Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Mar 5, ‘15
These two watercolors represent the color of today.
SLS stands for South Lake Street and the numbers are the date the painting was done. There are 120 paintings in this series I call Watercolor Journal. I did them to maintain my sanity in a very difficult time of my life.
Each painting was a Meditation and Therapy. When I started the series, my brother’s multiple myeloma had returned, after he’d been in remission for more than a year. He died in April, ‘05. The paintings in this series are, to me, like pictograms, and bring back many memories of my brother and that time. Most of the views are from my chair in my living room near a big window with north east light. This is what I saw out the window from where I sat. For a changed perspective on my view, all I had to do was move my chair one way or the other.
By 2005, I’d lived in my South Lake St apartment for 10 years. I already had done many scenes from the big window with the great light, so had experience, a method, a routine, a color scheme. All I had to do was show up at the workplace, pick up a pencil and begin; soon, prior experience took over and my mind was free-wheeling. That was the therapy. The Meditation had to do with the thoughts that entered my mind as I worked. The thoughts were examined and let go to make room for another thought which was examined and let go, and so on. The work and the image I was building was my Center. Everything is in the work; sorrow, joy, anger, grief, bitterness, sweetness, anguish, despair, acceptance, intense gratitude….
Each painting is the same size, done on the same kind of paper.
You know you have Cabin Fever when your thoughts and conversations with others contain these words: ”I’m SO sick of….” And the blank contains words such as “snow, shoveling snow, wading through snow, watching snow fall, staying home because of snow, needing to rush out and buy necessities before it snows again…” Today, I filled in the blank with the words ‘static electricity’ after I had an irrationally angry moment due to being sick of static electricity and gray, cheerless days. I’m also sick of hat hair, heavy winter clothing and never-ending winter dirt. To name a few….
Friends and family are all sick of winter, too. Our rants are sometimes hilarious.
Albert is cuddled up to my side, sleeping. I’m grateful for every day he’s not suffering and we can prolong the inevitable – which I sense is creeping in between us – but, not today. I’ve been making chicken broth for him and he loves it. I mix it into his wet food so that he gets more water into his system as well as nutrition. I love that he still loves to eat. If he wants to ‘eat me out of house and home’, fine with me.
I’m getting a similar sense of Therapy and Meditation as I did from Watercolor Journeal in the work I’ve been doing on the Redux paintings. I go to my workplace in the morning, pick up the brush, that ‘something’ kicks in and my mind is free-wheeling. I’ve been working on 20 or so paintings that I’d offer for sale for $20 – $60 per painting. I’m enjoying most every moment. I’m working on these paintings to present to the gallery I checked-out a few weeks ago and am aiming for the end of March.
I’ve pretty much decided that if these 20 or so paintings aren’t sold by the end of June, I’m going to shred them and use the shreds in my compost. It seems a proper means of disposal for these small creations that gave me so much pleasure in the doing.
I’ve also been working on the larger paintings which were always intended for another show but where or when that show will appear, is still a mystery to me. I’m working under the theory that if I have them ready, a show will appear. I’m leaving a lot to The Universe, these days.
I received a check from my former employer. It was for less than I’d billed her. It was a computer generated check. That mystery continues….