Gone….


snow on roof a

Snow on the Roof, Jan ‘07

“This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper.”

  1. TS. Elliot

Jan 23, ‘15

Today is a bright, sunny and cold January day.  Quite beautiful, actually….  The high temp for today is expected to be 37 degrees.  The bad news, tomorrow is expected to be a ‘wintry-mix’ — Snow, Sleet, Freeing Rain then more Snow.

Ordinarily, on a Friday morning at this time, I’d be driving across NW CT to my weekly housekeeping job.  I haven’t been there in 2 weeks due to not having been paid.  I miss the drive and all the familiar scenery.

Instead of being on my way to work, I’ve been sitting in a sunny spot, writing letters and paying bills, at work on my computer.  A few minutes ago I heard the Postman deliver my mail and take the two envelopes I left for him to deliver to the PO and send them on their way.

For weeks I’ve been eagerly anticipating mail, in hopes that I’d find a check or checks from my client.  “Wouldn’t it be bitter irony” I thought, on my way to the porch to see what the mail man had left in my mail box, “to find those checks in today’s mail.”

One of the 2 envelopes the mail man took with him was my Notice to my now ‘former’ client  and a bill for final services.

There was a white envelope in my mail box and on seeing that my heart leapt a tiny bit.  The white envelope was from a Cable Company, advertising their services.   My heart slowed to its normal rate.

I don’t know what next.  I feel the way I do after I’ve been through a particularly emotional time due to a horrific death.  The shock and numbness is wearing off and I’m feeling Accepting of this being what it is.  As I prepared my Notice and final bill yesterday, I felt as if I were at a Wake.  It took hours to keep it simple.  I printed-out my documents early this morning, aware that in doing so, I was more accepting of Reality.  I felt as I might feel if I were actually at a Funeral Service.

I signed my Notice in ink.   I folded Notice and bill, placed them in the envelope, used my last stamp on the envelope and put it in my mail box feeling as if the Funeral Service was winding down.  When the mail man took the envelopes away, the Service was over.

Gone.

What next, after lunch, remains to be seen.

 

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7 Responses to Gone….

  1. beetleypete says:

    I am sorry to read this, but I also enjoyed it in a way, as it was so well-written that I could feel your pain and disappointment in every word.
    My thoughts are with you Gretchen. (And as always,I love the blues in that painting.)
    Kind regards from England. Pete.

  2. suej says:

    Very sorry to read this post, but you have made the right moves….done everything you can, and time to move on. I know it’s not easy, I’ve been doing a lot of it myself in recent months and years…. Best wishes, Sue

  3. Kathy says:

    Sometimes we do have to say “enough” and move on, don’t we? And then we wait to see what the Universe will do next. Will the former employer step up to the plate? Will we find a different job, one that we like better? It can be a sad scary place to be, not knowing. And sometimes an exciting place when there are so many options that may open up. Wishing you the very best. Also, did enjoy your writing very much, Gretchen.

    • Right now, it’s a sad and scary place but hope springs eternal that closing this door is the right thing to do. After the healing — or when it’s further along — I hope to find that next door that will open for me. Thank you so much for your comment and your wishes

  4. chris ludke says:

    You’re right, doors will open. Keep hope.

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