Ellipsis


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I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

 

November 22, ‘13

What with this being the season for drawing-in and hibernation and for thankfulness and for the 50 years since JFK was assassinated….  And since the weather today is gray with rain, wet streets and people using umbrellas….   And chilly.  And today marks the birthday of a friend who’s long gone….  And the fifth year anniversary of a season of great loss….  And I’m old and cold and my heart is heavy….

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….

I’ve put the CD of the Dalai Lama and him Chanting into the machine;  my soul is soothed from the sounds that I’ve come to know so well.

The Dalai Lama Chant is to my mind and soul what 2 valiums and a gin & tonic were once upon a time to my body. 

The 2 valiums and a gin & tonic are decades into my past.  I’m grateful not to be led any further into that temptation.  I’m grateful to have been delivered from that evil….

I’m grateful to the chant for the sense of letting go and allowing the sweetness of the moment….

i don’t know why i remembered that after all that time….

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I’m grateful for all I have.  I’m grateful for experiences & the lessons taught me that make me aware that I’m grateful for all I have.  I huddle to the warmth of my space heater, cat at my back.  I can hear the rain on my stout roof and watch the street from my window.  I’m dry and protected.    

I’m grateful for a woman in Vermont and the day I met her and spent the day with her in a tipi half-way up a mountainside on a sunny & windy January day where the highest temperature was 10 and the wind-chill factor -10.  We were happy for our meeting and the conversation with tea at the fire — even though our backs were freezing cold.  Had I not felt her peace and enjoyed happy moments & in-depth discussions on many topics with her I’d be feeling much sorrier for myself than I presently am. 

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I’m grateful, as well as humbled,  for the lesson in bathing taught me by many unknown homeless women in the Ladies Room in Grand Central Station those many years ago when I was traveling regularly to the Art Student’s League in NYC.

If they can do it, so can I….

I’ve never forgotten them.  I think of them often throughout the years – and now — as I heat water on my gas range and take a sink bath in the privacy of my own bathroom and dry myself with a big fluffy towel.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

The Official National day of Thanksgiving is next week.  I plan to spend the day with my Family of Origin.  I haven’t spent Thanksgiving with my Family of Origin in 19 years…..  I’m grateful to be anticipating this day with love and joy in my heart.  I’ll be bringing Raspberries.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Responses to Ellipsis

  1. beetleypete says:

    Interesting thoughts and recollections on a day that obviously means a lot to you, in many ways.
    I still like this series of cemetery paintings so much, something about the short shadows…
    Regards and best wishes to you from England Gretchen, Pete.

  2. candidkay says:

    I thought I was the only one who listened to chanting:). Love this post. And your honesty. Thank you.

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