As You are Now, so once was I. As I am Now, so You will be.


Image

Now

 

Image

Then

July 20, ’13 

“EMILY: “Does anyone ever realize life while they live it…every, every minute?”

STAGE MANAGER: “No. Saints and poets maybe…they do some.” 
― Thornton Wilder
Our Town

I often think of Emily when I’m working on my paintings because I feel that I go into a place in my mind – to a safe, comfortable, even happy space in the past —  when, for a small space in Time,  I am now who I was then. 

This morning I’ve gone back into time to another hot day, in the old cemetery in Watertown.

As with many of these old paintings I never finished and hope to actually ‘finish’, I not only go back in Time but into the layers of paint I’ve previously applied to build the image from an arrested moment in time; I think I’ve painted and re-painted these paintings over and over and over, can’t even count the number of times….  Which is the definition of insanity…. I frequently experience a sense of hopelessness about all the time and energy I’ve expended to come right back to where I started from, having expected different results….  Without much question or argument, I get up in the morning and start over.  Sisyphys….

The break I took to paint the Milk Can has yielded a significant learning experience and the sense of hopelessness is fading – somewhat. 

I painted the Milk Can with Acrylics, which I seem to have in abundance — many hues in many tubes.  All materials were in abundant supply, for that project.  My supply of oil paint is also abundant but I know in my innermost being that I haven’t nearly enough to complete the 30-50 paintings I unearthed a few years ago – and that may be one of my problems, wanting to do so much with so little….  I’m being cheap with paint.  I have little trust or faith that there’s a future with the funds to buy more paint when I need it. 

When I came back to working on my series after I did the milk can and recognized I was stingy with the paint, I decided to focus on a few of the paintings and overlook/ignore the remainder that’s stacked in my bedroom, out on the porch or in the 2nd bedroom that I use as a giant storage closet.

The few, to me are looking closer to how I envisioned them – not quite there, but closer.  That’s where I am in The Process, today.

********

Today is hot but not nearly as hot as yesterday, the day before and most of this past week.  The sky is   overcast, covered by a thin veil of gray,  which weakens the power of the sun and reduces the values of light and dark.  The air is less oppressive and there’s a slight but persistent breeze.  I sense a storm in the making and think it will be a doozy.  It would have to be a doozy to break this heat….  The weather report for this area backs me up in my sense of storm; the report used the adjective ‘severe.’   

 

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s